Love and Relationships (part 4 of the trilogy)

metallex78

I posted about this on the old site before it went down, but I thought I'd give you all an update about it anyway. Just in case any of you were interested in what went down...

Here's the start of the story for those that missed it or need a recap:
I've been friends with this girl for about a year or so, and I think I'm starting to develop feelings for her.
We work together and she's younger than me (I'm 29, she's 22) and those are the two things that are holding me back, even though they probably shouldn't be.

Anyway, I've been thinking about her quite a bit lately, and it's entered my mind that I really dig her, alot. And although we've been friends for a while, I've never thought of her in that way, because she is younger and I'd rather not mix work with my personal life.
But lately now that I think I am starting to feel something for her, our fun/flirty vibe in the office has gone a bit sour. And without sounding like I've got tickets on myself, I think that maybe she was kinda keen on me, but because I haven't made any moves on her in how long we've been hanging out together, she is annoyed about it.

And it's put me in a strange place, because just when I think things are turning around and I'm thinking to maybe make a move, our pretty cool friendship has gone a bit off.
So I'm now unsure if I should still tell her I like her and see what happens or just forget about it completely.
In other words, it's time I either move forward with what I'm feeling and take a chance, or just dismiss it and move on. But life is about taking chances right!

And here's what happened:
Well, I found a moment when the two of us were alone, and I pretty much came out and told I really like her. And while she said she was really flattered, she said didn't want to pursue anything further because we work together.
So, while it hasn't been awkward between us as such since then (which was also a worry of mine), it still kinda hurts me to see her everyday, because I still think she's great. But it also completely killed the fun/flirty vibe we had and we barely talk at all.
And seeing her everyday looking all pretty, knowing I can't be with her is REALLY tough. So much so, that I kinda look forward to days that she's not around so I can concentrate on my work without her distraction.

And I think the thing that gets me is that I don't know if she just said the work thing as an excuse to let me down easily, or if she's really not interested. I really thought there was a strong vibe between us, but maybe I read that wrong too.

Ok, over to you lot! Go easy on me big_smile

James

She's not interested. You should move on. In my opinion she WAS interested, but you took too long to make any kind of move. She most likely found a boyfriend while you were procrastinating.

Any time in life you are interested in a woman, do NOT wait. Women who are even the least bit attractive do not go an eternity without hooking up with someone.

From reading your various threads about your personal life, I think you should go into "male slut mode". I honestly don't think you are ready for a serious relationship anyways(waiting forever to ask this chick an obvious sign), and you should just go out and have fun and not worry about the right girl coming along.

I may have posted this example before, but stories like this remind me of this chick I really liked at this store in Turlock years ago. I kept delaying asking her out, and when I finally decided to go to the store and ask her, she no longer worked there.

polluxlm

Only advice I got for you is to read a couple of books on woman psychology (written by men, I can't stress that point enough). The Game by Neil Strauss, David D'Angelo's E-book and The Dating Black Book (don't remember his name, got an X in it) are good places to start.

Contrary to what many believe these do not offer pickup lines or any of that nonsense. Of course, there are examples of what you can say etc, but bottom line is they tell you how to find the man in yourself. Becoming the person you really are. This is what women really look for. Looks, body, intellect, education, money are all secondary to a man who's secure, independent, humorous, specific etc.

This will not only help you pick up women on the town, but also teach you how to maintain a steady relationship.

Going around waiting for things to happen will most likely get you nowhere. At best you'll end up with 'leftovers', as most do.

PaSnow

Metallex I've had stuff like this happen to me many times in life. It sucks, but it's part of the bruises involved in growing up.

The other two posters above are right. Don't delay, and take this as a lesson learned & try to figure out if there's things you can do differently the next time. It's always awkard encountering a girl you asked out again. I remember asking out a friends neighbor when I was about 22. She shot me down, and I couldn't bear to go over his house or parties for if she were there. There were others, girls who worked places I went etc, I'm not saying I asked out every girl in town, but a few here & there. Try to accept it & move on. Over time the whole awkwardness/cold shoulder thing will die down, who knows, you might become good friends again. Give it time too. Girls take time to deal with things, unlike guys who can just say "Fuck it"

DoubleTalkingJive

Sometimes with women you have to strike while they are all into you. It's true although some will wait and wait and wait, it really depends on the situation.

It's too bad that now you are tortured at work, I guess do your best to try to move on. Definitely take the high road and show her you are not sad over this just accept it and move on and it seems as if you are.

I remember when I wasn't sure if I wanted to date this guy at work and we dated and I was sorta into him not like hot bothered, couldn't wait to kiss him, cotton mouth all nervous into him but into him. We went out on a date and it was okay we had that fun flirty thing too but we talked and talked and talked for hours.

Anyway, I was thinking on how he wasn't my type at all, I like the big muscular types...he was "the nice guy" that I normally didn't go for and not my body type. So I told him that I didn't want to have a relationship because we worked together. He didn't bat an eye, he was like, okay and moved on. I have to say, that made me like hmmm, he didn't even care and because we women are sooo messed up in that area and that gets our attention, I changed my mind after a few weeks and now I am married to him....LOL

mitchejw

yeah...this is a tough area...I am in my mid-20s and I have hardly approached any women. I don't enjoy that social situation. Oh well...I guess i'll be single forever...ol

monkeychow

Metallax I feel your pain man i was in an almost identical situation. All i can say is try not to take it too personally, do your best to find someone new to get interested in, and if its too painfull everyday - maybe consider a new job. (thats what i ended up doing, but then got fired LOL)

Anyways hang in there!! smile

luckylittlelady

As I think I said before, I think she was just using you as a bit of a distraction at work, I don't think she was ever really into you.

Just enjoy your single life without reading too much into things (I'm terrible for that myself and it makes everything seem so much more complicated than it ever is), people always come along when you don't expect it.

metallex78

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

My logical mind says to me "fuck it, why am I letting this get to me!" while my heart says "man, WHY isn't she interested??? she's so beautiful!"
And it's just a constant battle between the two at the moment, but I know it will get easier with time.

But one thing, I am glad I had the guts to actually tell her how I felt, even if it didn't go my way.

metallex78

DoubleTalkingJive wrote:

Sometimes with women you have to strike while they are all into you. It's true although some will wait and wait and wait, it really depends on the situation.
It's too bad that now you are tortured at work, I guess do your best to try to move on. Definitely take the high road and show her you are not sad over this just accept it and move on and it seems as if you are.
I remember when I wasn't sure if I wanted to date this guy at work and we dated and I was sorta into him not like hot bothered, couldn't wait to kiss him, cotton mouth all nervous into him but into him. We went out on a date and it was okay we had that fun flirty thing too but we talked and talked and talked for hours.
Anyway, I was thinking on how he wasn't my type at all, I like the big muscular types...he was "the nice guy" that I normally didn't go for and not my body type. So I told him that I didn't want to have a relationship because we worked together. He didn't bat an eye, he was like, okay and moved on. I have to say, that made me like hmmm, he didn't even care and because we women are sooo messed up in that area and that gets our attention, I changed my mind after a few weeks and now I am married to him....LOL

That's hilarious DTJ

And from that story, it looks like there might be hope for me yet - I'm that same 'nice guy' that she works with... hahahaha

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