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- Topics: Active | Unanswered
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: Self Esteem
Thanks for the kind words folks. Sorry to rant like that!
DTJ - i hope your right - i used to think my princess was comming along soon at like 17 but now i'm 30 i'm seeing a lonely future!!
- BurningHills
- Rep: 15
Re: Self Esteem
My self-esteem is pretty low - it's been A LOT worse though.
I mean, I really have no reason for it to be. I have a great, loving girlfriend, a pretty cool job, and run a successful Black Crowes board - great family and friends, etc..
All I can think of is that it goes back to my childhood.
I was always on the heavy side growing up. I literally CRINGE at how huge I was as a kid. Hell, in 8th grade, I had a size 40 waist! I was CONSTANTLY picked on up until high school, when I started losing some weight. But even then, I had a reputation as being unpopular, a teacher's pet, etc. So as you can imagine, I didn't get any dates. I didn't even have my first date until my junior year of high school (With a psycho that one of my female friends from another school hooked me up with), and didn't have my first kiss until my senior year (The girl who I'm with now.) Hell, the girl I'm with has been my ONLY girlfriend. Ever. (Not a bad thing at all, mind you.)
All of that shit majorly fucked with my head growing up, and I was ridiculously depressed at least twice in middle/high school.
I still hate the way I look, I always will, and I still see myself as too fat. (I'm a 34 waist now.) I ideally want to drop another 10 - 15, even 20 pounds, and I have no motivation to do it - because it a) probably wouldn't work anyway and b) if it did, it probably wouldn't stay off, and I'd feel like shit for gaining it back.
Re: Self Esteem
I used to have low self esteem about my looks since I never had a girlfriend in my childhood/teen years. Well, I had one, but that just doesn't cut it in those years. Now I know that was because of some other shit, so these days I think I'm handsome as hell 
Still got issues with the women though. Never had a steady relationship, and now I'm at a point where I don't want one either. Sorry girls 
Re: Self Esteem
BH I would have never guessed you were a heavy kid. I'm pretty skinny & you aren't much bigger than me. I'm trying to put on 10-15 pounds by hitting the gym.
Don't let it get you down Monkeychow, women can be difficult sometimes. It seems they either date assholes, and those that don't are just dinner whores or think they want an asshole, so when the end up on a date with a nice guy they don't feel cool. I've had my fair share of dates gone wrong, now I don't worry too much about how they go. I just try to have fun, hold a deceent conversation, and if she says she's not interested or blows off my calls, whatever. James had a good post on the original board, something about not being a long term relationship type guy, and enjoying not having someone tell him what to do, if he wants to post whore or go out on a Tuesday night he can do so.. There is a certain freedom to being single, so learn to enjoy it. Also, one thing I've found, is try to accentuate your features, so that because girls often tell me "You're a nice guy" I try to really be just that, a nice guy. I no longer try to be a jerk, a player or anything like that (i never really was anyway) I just be a nice guy & sometimes it works alot better for me that way. Not great but I've made a few more friends by it, and I've learned to "just be friends" with girls as well. I got burned big-time on that one years ago.
DTJ I totally know where you are coming from with that guy. Nice to know other guys that "keep on truckin"
- DoubleTalkingJive
- Rep: 74
Re: Self Esteem
My self-esteem is pretty low - it's been A LOT worse though.
I mean, I really have no reason for it to be. I have a great, loving girlfriend, a pretty cool job, and run a successful Black Crowes board - great family and friends, etc..
All I can think of is that it goes back to my childhood.
I was always on the heavy side growing up. I literally CRINGE at how huge I was as a kid. Hell, in 8th grade, I had a size 40 waist! I was CONSTANTLY picked on up until high school, when I started losing some weight. But even then, I had a reputation as being unpopular, a teacher's pet, etc. So as you can imagine, I didn't get any dates. I didn't even have my first date until my junior year of high school (With a psycho that one of my female friends from another school hooked me up with), and didn't have my first kiss until my senior year (The girl who I'm with now.) Hell, the girl I'm with has been my ONLY girlfriend. Ever. (Not a bad thing at all, mind you.)
All of that shit majorly fucked with my head growing up, and I was ridiculously depressed at least twice in middle/high school.
I still hate the way I look, I always will, and I still see myself as too fat. (I'm a 34 waist now.) I ideally want to drop another 10 - 15, even 20 pounds, and I have no motivation to do it - because it a) probably wouldn't work anyway and b) if it did, it probably wouldn't stay off, and I'd feel like shit for gaining it back.
I feel your pain as I too was an extremely overweight kid and teenager. In elementary school I was always the last picked for gym teams when they would make the kids choose people. I also was always told, you have such a pretty face if you would only loose some weight. It definitely affects me to this day and I certianly have self esteem issues with that and because of this, I have done some pretty stupid things.
I have gone through roller coasters of crazy dieting and really bad addicitions to working out so much so I injured my pelvis of all things really bad and couldn't do any pounding cardio for 2 months which was torture for me. I am now becoming more at ease with myself as of late but it's never enough and my clown mirror always exists. Since my dad died, I have put on a few pounds and I beat myslef up for it but not as bad this time, I just get back in the saddle and lose the pounds i've gained and move on.
But on the flip side you have a good life and sounds like you are like me, you don't let it consume you but it's always, always there.
Re: Self Esteem
In elementary school I was always the last picked for gym teams when they would make the kids choose people.
Does anyone know if schools still do that?? If so gym teachers need to get off their f'ing ass & creative a new way of picking teams ("controlled randomness"). Geez that used to be terrible for a childs morale. Fortunately I was pretty athletic growing up, but there were times I recall being picked pretty far down & it was a terrible feeling.
A couple funny gym class stories, 1 was in high school, I guess it was raining alot one year, so we stayed indoors & played floor hockey alot. This one kid, kindof nerdy, heavyset, in the band, really smart etc, as often, probably picked last alot. We play, and his team forces him to play defense. He manages ok, then after a few days people start to realize he's pretty good at it. Reggie White was big at the time, and nicknamed "Minister of Defense". So after a few rainy gym classes of playing hockey, everyone starts calling this kid the minister of defense. He'd stand back by the net, and just whack away at the ball/puck. By the end of the year, the kid was being picked like 2nd or 3rd.
Another was one time playing football. It was supposedly touch, but at 16-17 it's more like rough touch. Anyway, our gym teacher was an older guy who wouldn't watch or pay attention much, so we play however we want. Well, a different kid (didn't really know him, but again, kinda nerdy) catches a pass over the middle. A kid on the football team (not a total jock, he was pretty cool but a pretty strong kid for high school) comes up and just lays into him. The type of hit you'd see on Sunday. We all hover around him, I'm thinking this kids going to either go home or goto the hospital.. A few seconds tick by, he stands up, spikes the ball and says "Let's go!!" (as in, let's keep playing). Everyone cheers and we huddle up & keep on playing.
Man, I should try and write a movie about gym class. Just like a 1 day in the life of all different events that take place over 5 or 6 different classes & students.
- BurningHills
- Rep: 15
Re: Self Esteem
BurningHills wrote:My self-esteem is pretty low - it's been A LOT worse though.
I mean, I really have no reason for it to be. I have a great, loving girlfriend, a pretty cool job, and run a successful Black Crowes board - great family and friends, etc..
All I can think of is that it goes back to my childhood.
I was always on the heavy side growing up. I literally CRINGE at how huge I was as a kid. Hell, in 8th grade, I had a size 40 waist! I was CONSTANTLY picked on up until high school, when I started losing some weight. But even then, I had a reputation as being unpopular, a teacher's pet, etc. So as you can imagine, I didn't get any dates. I didn't even have my first date until my junior year of high school (With a psycho that one of my female friends from another school hooked me up with), and didn't have my first kiss until my senior year (The girl who I'm with now.) Hell, the girl I'm with has been my ONLY girlfriend. Ever. (Not a bad thing at all, mind you.)
All of that shit majorly fucked with my head growing up, and I was ridiculously depressed at least twice in middle/high school.
I still hate the way I look, I always will, and I still see myself as too fat. (I'm a 34 waist now.) I ideally want to drop another 10 - 15, even 20 pounds, and I have no motivation to do it - because it a) probably wouldn't work anyway and b) if it did, it probably wouldn't stay off, and I'd feel like shit for gaining it back.
I feel your pain as I too was an extremely overweight kid and teenager. In elementary school I was always the last picked for gym teams when they would make the kids choose people. I also was always told, you have such a pretty face if you would only loose some weight. It definitely affects me to this day and I certianly have self esteem issues with that and because of this, I have done some pretty stupid things.
I have gone through roller coasters of crazy dieting and really bad addicitions to working out so much so I injured my pelvis of all things really bad and couldn't do any pounding cardio for 2 months which was torture for me. I am now becoming more at ease with myself as of late but it's never enough and my clown mirror always exists. Since my dad died, I have put on a few pounds and I beat myslef up for it but not as bad this time, I just get back in the saddle and lose the pounds i've gained and move on.
But on the flip side you have a good life and sounds like you are like me, you don't let it consume you but it's always, always there.
Yep - that's pretty much me to a T, DTJ.
I avoid looking in a mirror whenever I can, because I just don't like what I see.
I mean - I don't starve myself or anything, but my eating schedule is completely upside down because of the fucked up hours that I work at the radio station. I'll get home at 1 AM or so and eat something light with very little calories, but I'm eating twice a day usually, sometimes only once.
I don't let it consume me at all, but it's always there in the back of my mind and it tends to rear it's ugly head a lot.
- luckylittlelady
- Rep: 20
Re: Self Esteem
. There is a certain freedom to being single, so learn to enjoy it.
I've never really had that freedom, to be honest there's times I could kill for it. Certainly the fact whether you are in a relationship or not should be no measure of your worth as a person. Or your weight for that matter but I certainly find that if I look my best I feel my best. If I don't dress nicely and make a little effort with my face and hair, I feel miserable. If I spend one day sitting around in a tracksuit, then it's likely I'd do the same the next day and the next and it really affects my demeanour.
