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Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
Well the variable with successful relationships, is you can never control the relationship itself, simply running it's course. It happens.
I think what Neemo is referring to, is relationships that crash & burn, because of one person's own issues or both. Alot of relationships never get past the "few months" stage, because neither ever puts the other ahead of their own needs. Hell, marriages die, because they never did that, which leads you to wonder why they got married in the first place.
But people do grow apart. My best friend was with his girl for 5 years, then got married, and one year into the "6th" year, the relationship took a nose dive. Granted, she did reveal to him that she had cheated on him with 5 other guys during those 5 years, and her former best friend revealed to him that "she lost count, it's more than 5", which was a big contributor. But he was selfish too. He didn't cheat, he was just self-centered. And they were both immature, and never put the other one ahead of the other.
A cousin of mine has been with the same guy for the last 7 years. The first four, dated, then got married, and have been for the last 3 years. Have one child, and a second on the way.
They BOTH couldn't be more bored. They both love each other, but they both are bored by each other too. Really don't know how their relationship is gonna go with a second child on the way, but they also just kind of looked at each other one day and said "this is it?".
In my personal opinion, I think alot of these issues have always existed in relationships, but prior generations, marriage was enforced as 'perminate' and a marriage that seperated/divorce was a HUGE stain on that person's reputation. Newer generations have been raised/conditioned to believe that you walk away when you want, so those issues that were always there, are just more publicly known now, because people aren't afraid to try something else.
I will say this though to the young adult crowd 25-35... the grass is NOT greener on the other side. If you've got a good relationship, hang on to it, because it's HARD, and I mean HARD to really meet "good" people when you hit that age range. And going to bars & clubs, is sifting through the bottom of the barrel, typically.
Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
yeah there is the 7 year itch thing, sometimes it happens sooner or later but everyone goes through it at some point...kids definately complicate matters seriously and could be the end of a relationship just as much as anything else (my wife and i were in dire straights when the first came...but we talked it out and worked through it...the second kid has been a breeze cuz we know what to expect from each other now)
you gotta still keep things interesting, however doesnt matter, and never ever make things just about the sex...
my advice was jsut to help him get going, if you are starting a serious relationship, have a serious talk and lay some ground rules to make things work for each of you, jsut cuz i listed some of the things my wife and i do doesnt maen they are right for everyone, lay it all out, have her tell you your pet peeves and you tell her yours, what makes you mad what makes you happy what makes you sad ... one of the most important things is letting each other know how you each work....and trust trust trust, if you dont have trust you dont have nuthin ... also my wife and i moved in together after dating for like 2 months, you dont know anything until you've lived with someone IMHO, ie my brother and this chick were dating for 5 or 6 years, then they went away together for a week and came back and broke up cuz they realized they couldnt stand each other...that was a shocker to me when that happened....
but really there is no magic formula, just get to know each other really well and respect each other in every way and communicate, learn how each other tick and talk about how to make it work, my wife and i have been together for nearly 13 years... and i think our relationship is as strong as ever
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Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
I obviously don't know much because of my age, but I did have a relationship that lasted over a year and ended mainly because I'm moving so far away for college, but even not living together and having big distractions of schoolwork and being different grades (just by 1, though, nothing creepy) boredom became a problem. But it was my first relationship to be serious and get to the point of loving the other person for more than a week, so I don't have any ill feelings about it. Just looking forward to whatever happens next.
Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
And I personally think that there are things such as "building block" relationships, that truely just exist in order to help a person learn and find themselves. There's a reason young adults are so experimental with life, especially college kids who have the gloves off, yet typically no responsibility still.
And with what Neemo was talking about, he hit the nail on the head with keeping it interesting. The two relationships I mentioned have hit the skids, because of it not being interesting, and out of pure ignorance. With alot of men, not all, when you say "make it more interesting". To alot of guys, to be frank, that means trying the backdoor, lol. They don't think about the little things.
There are things my mother passed on to me (yes, I know, cue laughter), but they were about little things. Be willing to cook dinner for her every so often. Clean up after yourself. Take care of the kids. Bring her flowers every so often. Offer to take her out to dinner or a show, etc. It seems like alot, but it's really not.
I can't tell you how many women's jaws drop, when I do things like cook my own meal, or look after a child (not my own), or clean up after myself without asking. For me, because of how I was raised, it's subconscious. I do it, without even realizing it. But from where they come from, the men are big ass babies, that need to be waited on hand and foot, and do nothing other than eat, sleep, drink and fuck. And that attitude isn't gonna get you far with any woman, even a slut.
Then, i've seen the flip side of it. There's tons of spoiled little girls, "women", that were babied as children, and have no natural instinct to do anything whatsoever. No mother instinct, no loving instinct. They are like a sexless version of a boring man. They eat, sleep & drink, but refuse to fuck. They also are self-absorbed, and can become a real drag.
That best friend's wife I mentioned above - she was this. Tomboy, raised like one of the guy's her whole life, with a slutty good for nothing mother. So what did she grow up to be? Three gueses, and the first two don't count. This girl was my best friend's wife, and used to live with him and his family, and she refused to do anything. She didn't cook, she didn't do dishes, she didn't clean house, she didn't even work. She just hung out with her friends all day, came home, rolled over and refused to fuck... really didn't do anything.
Then didn't understand what the problem was.
What a wife. 
Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
i wasnt even talking about sex when i said make things more interesting..though it does help to vary it up there as well
i meant do things....visit people, and plan trips together, dont just have "guys" nights and "girls" nights, though time away from each other is important too
dont be too clingy or possessive, from my experience people generally hate that...but be yourself....if she doesnt like you for you then there is no way you can change yourself (unless you make big time sacrifices...but even then it may not work) and encourage her to be herself as well
anyway best wishes mitchejw 
Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
In my personal opinion, I think alot of these issues have always existed in relationships, but prior generations, marriage was enforced as 'perminate' and a marriage that seperated/divorce was a HUGE stain on that person's reputation. Newer generations have been raised/conditioned to believe that you walk away when you want, so those issues that were always there, are just more publicly known now, because people aren't afraid to try something else.
Fully agree with this, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I firmly believe people are meant to be "serial monogamists" as I usually put it. You have to settle down eventually though, and I presume that's when a sort of love that could be described as a "deep friendship" takes over.
I will say this though to the young adult crowd 25-35... the grass is NOT greener on the other side. If you've got a good relationship, hang on to it, because it's HARD, and I mean HARD to really meet "good" people when you hit that age range. And going to bars & clubs, is sifting through the bottom of the barrel, typically.
Yeah, thanks for making me feel even worse about my recently crashed relationship, I'm smack dab in the middle of your demographic there 
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Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
I really do appreciate the insight here guys. You guys really took the time to make some thoughtful comments about a matter that I take very seriously. I am 27 years old and I thought that it got easier, but it really doesn't.
Problem for me? I didn't do much experimenting when I was younger...because I thought self-control and holding out for the real thing was the most important aspect of making a real relationship work. I'm not sure if this is working out in my favor now.
This girl that I've been 'seeing' for about 2.5 months has completely changed in that time. In the first month, things went really fast...we had fun without even trying. Now she is distant, and talks about her mother who was a hoarder and neglected her, and a father who committed suicide when she was young. Is this who she really is? Was it all an act before? It literally was like a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde routine.
I'm getting frustrated...and she's off in la la land getting drunk with her friends all the time...telling me, 'let's hang out tomorrow...and without fall backs out at the last second."
I feel like she's jerking me around...playing games...and i'm about to throw in the towel...but right before i do...she does something to make me think it's going to work.
Does this sound familiar to anyone out there?
Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
Yup, and you know what?? It didn't work out. The chick moved to florida, got married, and now lives in AZ. I could care less about her now.
TBH I think these times she "does something to make you think it's going to work" is probably just you looking too hard for something. Maybe she feels guilty after blowing you off a couple times, and she feels guilty, so she calls you and says "Let's go out this weekend". Or maybe all her friends are doing something, or she wants to feel better about herself and have a guy take her out on a date, but totally leading you on to thinking it's something else.
I could be wrong, maybe she's a fairly nice girl, but reading the first half of your post makes me think you're being placed in that "friend zone", a place you don't seem to want to be, none of us do. 27's a great age bro. 27-31 were some of my favorite years. I say quit calling her, if she calls you, cool. Otherwise, look elsewhere & go out & have some fun. No sense trying to tie yourself down with the wrong one.
Re: The ins and outs of relationships...what does it all mean>?
I agree...perhaps I've taken things too seriously...however...I don't think I'm being placed in the friend zone...I think she doesn't really know what she wants.
she calls me up and says things like, "i just want to talk to my boyfriend" but then disappears for two or three days...it's just like WTF?
makes no difference thought...I'm fine either way, eh?
