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Re: The Rant Thread
i fucking hate weekends...honestly i get more relaxation at work during the week...this fucking blows, saturday we went out grocery shopping and at night my youngest fell down the stairs so we spend 3-4 hours in emerg shit... all yesterday had to go here and there cuz of plans my wife made, now today she invites the inlaws over and i've spent the whole day since 7:30 cleaning cuz the house is a fucking disaster
ARRRGGGHHH!!! i jsut want a day to myself....just once
Re: The Rant Thread
Why do you guys think trying to cultivate something more with a friend is risking the relationship? I dunno about you guys, but I usually don't have to _ask_ a girl how she feels about me, so if you get the feeling it's all building up to nothing then don't bother pushing beyond what you can actually get from this girl. She probably isn't that into you anyway and never will be.
Most girls will feel what you're trying to do and ignore it without having any hard feelings towards you, she'll give you ever so subtle hints that she's not interested. If she doesn't want to be your friend anymore 'cause you have feelings for her, she wasn't that good of a friend to begin with.
Listen, I'm not trying to say you can make something happen with every friend of the opposite sex you have, all I'm saying is that becoming friends first should not be perceived a problem. If you get the feeling you're actually stuck in the friends zone, she probably wouldn't have been interested either way.
The problem isn't the friend zone, the problem is disinterest. This also ties in with Axlin's remark about girls knowing if you're boyfriend material from the moment they meet you. Most of the time they do, but being a potential partner is a big step from actually being one. Becoming friends first along the way is no hindrance.
The friend zone is not the land of wasted opportunities it's made out to be. If you're stuck there you didn't have a chance to begin with.
Great friggin' post. The last statement stands out, and I immediately connected your point as soon as you made it.
Here's where I think alot of guys come from... alot of guys feel USED and ABUSED while in the friend zone. They feel like they doing alot of give, with no receive. Now this is more of a comment on what the girl thinks a friend is for. If she uses you, she'd probably use her girlfriends too.
We then turn around and immediately connect "your a good friend" with "lube up, here it comes".
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: The Rant Thread
yeah...concern is that 90% of the time though, the guy will be unable to have a normal balanced friendship with a girl he's attracted to that heavily.
If you can be friends and it doesnt bother you great...but if you fall in love and become miserable that u cant convert the friendship to a romantic relationship then it's not cool.
Especially cos appart from the heartache of that, you basicly shut out all the other options out there.
There's hundreds of girls to get, don't waste your life loving people who don't love you.
Re: The Rant Thread
Totally
I'm not gonna name any names, but last night I was talking to a close friend, who's finalizing a divorce. He spent 6 years with a girl, the last year being the only one of which, they were married.
I told him of my future plans, that of which is to basically savor life, experience it, have fun with it, and no regrets. Sounds cliche, but i'm going somewhere with this. We both, and how we connected as friends, were pretty anti-social, world hating, pessimists. He went to college, spent his whole time locked in his room, avoiding other girls and potential situations with other women, because his heart belonged to his high school sweetheart back home.
I went to work. I soon discovered, at the young age of 21, how quickly I had aged into an old man, and I was just 21. My life was work 5-6 days a week, 12-13 hour days each... it was a grind. Not only did I not have a social network, even if I wanted to, I didn't have time for it, and it was depressing. I was surrounded by nothing by 40+ year old men, married, no chance to go out, and no shot at a co-worker. All hope seemed lost. I even got so desperate to try and pick women while getting my dinner, in-between breaks, 'cause it was the only time I had.
He on the other hand, was biding his time, waiting to head home to his girl. And he did, during his breaks from school, and everything seemed to be falling into place for him.
That was 2006. Fast forward three years.
My career was a bust. What I thought i'd be doing the rest of my life, fell on it's ass, and I was left butt up with a flower in it. I then returned to school to rousing success. I thought I didn't have it in me, and suddenly with a different approach, a different drive, and experience as a working man, I returned with a whole different energy, which led to success, even more than I expected. Now i'm looking at the next step, and committing to the long-term with school. No more local shit, heading to the university, and then going for grad work, and hopefully more.
Because I remember, what it was like, at that moment in my life in 2006... I don't want to waste it. The positivity has washed over me like I never thought possible. I want to enjoy everything the experience has to offer, and because I worked, my high school timidness is long gone. Sex, drugs and rock n' roll baby. Never thought i'd say that.
He on the other hand, is now in the final stages of a divorce. He discovered that she had not only cheated on him during all of his time in school, but that she cheated on him before he ever left for school, and even recently as they were still married. In other words... she was cheating on him from the very beginning of the relationship.
So now, he's in my spot three years ago, in the present. But he doesn't have the ability to go back and change it. It's done. Now, he had a whole experience, that was completely wasted, so he could stay faithful and loyal, and now he was the one left looking stupid. He can't change it or re-experience it. All he can do is pick up the pieces, and hope something comes along, as he also, is now working, a pretty grueling schedule, not to mention his social network, have moved away (myself & others), or were sleeping with his ex, so he's estranged from them.
I know it's long-winded, but the point is, everything that has been said in this thread, as well as others, leads alot into my own personal outlook at this very moment. You've got one shot, one chance... make the best of it. Because I know what it's like to have it not be there, and my friend, knows what it's like to have it right there, not do it, then regret not doing it.
He wasted his life loving someone, that didn't love him back. Now... he basically missed out on his entire youth. Can't get in the DeLorean and go back. It's done.
Same thoughts go out to all the parents out there. Never be too busy for your kids. It only happens once.
Re: The Rant Thread
yeah...concern is that 90% of the time though, the guy will be unable to have a normal balanced friendship with a girl he's attracted to that heavily.
Especially cos appart from the heartache of that, you basicly shut out all the other options out there.
Oooh, that sounds like a self-esteem problem mate. I used to have that, big-time. Chased one girl for months on end thinking she was the one (got to be friends with her first), got fucking close to winning her over too, but eventually I fucked-up, spoiled the opportunity and she moved on. Not 'cause we were friends, but 'cause someone with more guts than me came along and swept her away.
I obsessed about the missed opportunity for over 6 months and actually missed two other _great_ opportunities while at it. In the end, I realized she wasn't the one for me anyway. No matter how good we clicked on an emotional level, we wouldn't have gotten along (bloody-rare-steak-loving-materialistic-capitalist-pig (me) versus vegetarian-floaty-painting-artist-neo-hippie-type (her); image that living together). I was too far gone, fussing about the missed opportunity to notice that:
1. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.
2. Two other girls (one extremely pretty) were all over me.
3. I was fucking up a perfectly good friendship, not by having tried, but by obsessing over it afterward.
In the end, everything worked out fine for me and her. She actually looked me back up after a long time about 3 months ago. But like Axlin says, you need to be open minded enough to realize the opportunities around you and learn to be critical of your feelings. You might be able to avoid learning those lessons by not having any female friends you really like at all and shunning those that you start to get deeper feelings for, but that's just avoiding the underlying problem.
Hell, you make it sound like it's a bigger problem to have tried and failed than it is to have never tried at all (and keep on fussing about the missed opportunities as an inevitable result of that). You never had that "what if only I tried a little harder" moment?
Re: The Rant Thread
re friend zone etc, 'kay been there done that - I think it;s best to let a lady know you like her and are interested in her, don't forget women have to deal with the fear of rape and date rape is the worst thing, and the most common (NOT saying any of you are in that mindset!! just, I have sisters, and most rapes are by someone the lady knew) so being a buddy for a while then suddenly going all "I wanna poke your pink bits" may be a bit much.
If you're a friend let HER come on strong, she will if she's finding you irresistable, but if you're a new acquaintance go for the flirting right off, if she doesn't bite (hehe!) you may make a friend, but really I don't think men and women who are of the same age & attracted in any way can ever be friends, and please believe me when I say I speak from harsh experience there.... 
But really who on earth has all the answers - least of all THIS sad son of a bitch!! 
Re: The Rant Thread
No, no no no, just that they've seen "friend" turn into "I want to mount you, and here's my sense of entitlement, pre-paid by X number of chores I ran" etc - they don't have fear, they're more violent than me, just bringing it into the mix about friends/dating, if I downered the thread then bad move on my part! 
Re: The Rant Thread
It's not that you downed it, I just don't see alot of women with 'rape' constantly running through their mind, and frankly, I don't want to meet one. It smacks of their own paranoia, and the ones that I have, really were tragically raped themselves, and remain in fear of something that no longer exists. It's really sad. I had a neighbor once, a middle-aged woman, that was raped when she was a child. Well she had a 9-year old daughter, and absolutely under NO circumstances would ever let the girl have any interaction with males, young or older. It was sad, as the girl was not developing social skills with men, and it had nothing to do with herself, but her mother's own paranoia.
As for your theory of "I did this and this, etc.", i've seen that ALOT. I hate to admit it, but even myself... i've been in that role. You have to catch yourself. If you EVER are saying to yourself, "I did this and this, and I expect my reward", you are not that girl's friend, and never were. You were trolling for tang from the very beginning. I did that when I was younger.
Now, i'm straight up honest from the beginning of what my intentions are. It's worked better for me. You have girls that are your 'true' friend, and you have girls that it's known from the get, that you want to hook up, so you never really are trapped in the friend zone.
But i'm sure that doesn't work for all.
